Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
