New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
