Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
