Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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