I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
