We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
