What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
