Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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