guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
