What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
