she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
