no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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