if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
