i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize