I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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