U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
