I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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