Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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