i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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