i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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