last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She bit a glass in half.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
