Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
