OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize