An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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