i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
