Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
