I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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