I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
