you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
