Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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