belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
