God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize