I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
