True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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