Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
