i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
