Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize