dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
