My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
