can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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