were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
