I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
