my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
