Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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