Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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