Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize