Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize