dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
MIDGETS
????
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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