I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
