Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
