plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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