So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
