he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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