if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
