first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
