Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
