I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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