I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
