His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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