Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
