So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
