You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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