I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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