hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
