white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
