she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
